Breaking the Generational Curse in Family-Owned Businesses
A Family Tree is NOT an Org Chart
Since we are closing in on the end of 2023 and about to hear all about planning for success in 2024 (yes, you know it's coming and you dread those 'rah-rah' articles as much as I do...), let's chat about legacy and curses.
Back in 2021, I presented a speech titled, There Are No Accidents in the Universe. It was about coming to a realization that no matter what happened to me in life, every event was there to help me grow stronger; even the frustrating ones.
If you haven't seen it, click here.
As noted in the presentation, before I became an entrepreneur, I spent the last 15 years of my previous working life working for family-owned businesses (and I had the wrong last name at every one!).
What I notice looking back at that period from where I am now, is that legacy, particularly in a family business, can create larger obstacles for ongoing success than in other organizations.
The Generational Curse
The idea of generational curses goes back to the Bible. And if you know me, I don’t particularly align to much of what’s in that book. It’s been edited and re-edited so many times that it has become a tool of manipulation rather than inspiration, IMNSHO.
But, since we’re here and that’s where the idea sprang from, let’s at least acknowledge it.
Here we also need to address possibly the most manipulative entry in the well-known Ten Commandments: #5, Honor Thy Father and Mother.
As noted in the linked article and elsewhere, this is the first commandment with a promise. Essentially, listen to those who bore (read into that word what you will) you and you’ll be blessed.
When read at only the surface level, “Do as you’re told and all will be fine.”
Bullshit. Particularly when it comes to family-owned businesses.
The Most Dangerous Sentence in Business
“But we’ve always done it this way.”
I saw it happen many times. The younger generation of the family attempting to do something new to grow the business was knee-capped by the previous generation and prevented from experimenting.
Typically, the retraction of independent choice came in the form of the closing of the corporate wallet or purse and a gentle scolding of “Not while I’m still here you won’t.”
And thus, the companies stagnated.
The dreams of the next generation stifled by the fixed mindset of the previous one.
There’s an old joke about family businesses that goes: The first generation makes it, the second generation spends it while the third generation blows it.
In many cases, the second generation goes through a curse-phase as well in attempting to live up the values, energy, vision, and risk-taking grandeur of their parents.
As the world changes over decades, so does the environment for every business. What worked for the previous generation might not for the next one.
And, instead of embracing a dialogue of mutual growth, the older generation shuts down their offspring with a firm ‘No’ based on either their experience of what was at one time, or what they want in the current moment.
I get it. Each generation has goals for what they want the business to do for them, and those goals might not always be in alignment.
The older generation, closing in on retirement, might see the business as their cash-cow to provide for years of stable, funded relaxation free from worry; while the younger generation sees the business as their livelihood for the next 20-30 years and will be more focused on growth than stagnant stability.
Maybe the quip about family businesses should be, “The generation with the most to lose, and the least to learn, will kill the business.”
How then should the current gen ‘honor’ those who came before them?
Breaking the cycle
Like all curses, generational curses can be broken.
No, it doesn’t take witch doctors and seances. What it does take is courage and communication.
The first thing to remember is that a family tree is NOT an org chart.
All generations must be at the table with an open mind. That includes being open to being wrong
Rather than ruling from on-high, the older generation MUST listen to the perspectives of their children. Hey – you raised them…did you raise them to be as stupid and irresponsible as you’re telling them they’re being? I think not – because you knew that they would take over the family biz one day.
Time to let go of your death-grip before they have to pry it from your cold, dead hands.
Share your perspective and let them choose. Help them create empowered decisions that are fully their own, rather than just following your footsteps. Communicate, play Devil’s Advocate, help them to develop new awarenesses on how to approach the issue from many different angles before making their final decision.
Because someday, you won’t be making any more footprints – if all you’ve taught them is to follow, how will they be prepared for blazing their own trail?
And you, the younger generation, you’re not off the hook here.
Maybe there is a bit of honoring those who came before you, but certainly not with mindless fealty. Instead, there is a time for hearing their perspective and using it as information to help you choose more wisely.
Leverage the courage that they displayed in creating the family legacy, and start making bold choices for yourself.
We can break generational curses when we see the patterns that have kept us enslaved to a single way of doing things, ‘they way it’s always been done.’
Take Action Now
Navigating family issues and business can be a daunting task.
Difficult conversations are going to be part of that process.
In my work helping individuals live beyond what’s considered ‘normal,’ much of my focus is on breaking generational curses, habits, hand-me-downs - I change inherited, generational, dis-empowering mindsets into conscious choice and ownership.
What decision are you going to make: Same-old, same-old or something new for 2024?
