Stop Asking Permission to be Yourself
Who are you?
Are you the person that you say you are, or are you the person that other people decide you are?
Do you find yourself acting like you are told to act, particularly when around other people, instead of doing what you really want to do? (I’m talking within socially-accepted norms here.)
Why is it so hard to be yourself?
I don’t mean the person that other people tell you that you are – the role that is causing you some level of existential distress because it’s not who you really are.
I’m talking the real you – your authentic self. The you who is more than any role or job title, more than any label, such as husband, wife, partner, parent, child, employee, manager, executive, or owner.
Labels are small – but they come with big expectations and rules.
Rules that, if we allow them to, limit our expression of our true selves.
I was once told, “You’re just a salesman,” back many years ago when I was still in sales & marketing.
I cringed at the statement. I was (and am) so much more than that. In fact, that company had hired me because of my diverse background in creative arts and teaching.
Yet, when I didn’t play by their rules, I was punished for stepping outside of the label that they had placed on what I “should” be doing in my daily activities. (Conveniently forgetting that I was the most successful rep they had ever had outside of family members in their 40+ year history.)
Yeah, I’m still a little pissed – can you tell?
I’ve learned to be appreciative of the sting of that moment. It opened my eyes to how others were dictating my life.
I wasn’t happy in life – personally or professionally – yet, I thought that if I just kept doing what everyone else told me to do, one day I’d magically be happy.
Life doesn’t work that way.
Happiness is part of the journey, it’s not the destination.
If you’re not happy doing what you are doing, why do you keep doing it? If you are not actively experiencing joy in your daily life, you will not find it at the end.
Or, to put it in more relatable terms, if you were driving on a road named “Unhappiness Highway” would you expect the city of “Happiness” to be a destination on that road?
Of course not.
So stop driving down that road.
Right now. Stop. I’m serious.
Pull over where it’s safe. Maybe find a coffee shop, and pause. Take five and breathe deeply.
Ask yourself this question: “Why am I heading down the path of unhappiness?”
Your answer will be your own, I’d like to offer some generalities to help you frame your response.
Reason #1: Your childhood experiences told you that you had to live a life of struggle.
Whether it was your parents (typically), extended family, friends, or others in positions of authority, you took on a story for yourself that is not yours to carry.
You were told that life had to be hard, you had to do a certain type of work because “that’s where the money is,” or at times, when you did what your instincts told you to do, it didn’t work out as expected and then you were scolded and ridiculed for “being different/stupid/careless/etc”.
In these moments, you learned not to be yourself. You may have even learned that you couldn’t trust your gut, honor your intuition, or that you needed someone else’s validation and permission to do what you wanted to do.
You were a child then. It’s possible that in those young years that you did need an adult to help you navigate the world safely.
And that’s OK when you are a child.
You didn’t know everything that you do now. You didn’t have the skills and talents then that you have gained over your life.
You are no longer a child. You are an adult.
Reason #2: The story has become so familiar, it’s comfortable.
Comfort zones are dangerous places. In fact, I’d offer that the word, “comfortable” is the most dangerous word in the English language.
Why?
Because “comfort” means no need to change. It means no pain to spur us forward in growth.
Comfort is a warm, cozy bed covered in soft blankets while there is a blizzard outside.
Other people probably told you that the life you dream of living is too hard to achieve, or that there is no money in it, or that they tried it once and failed (therefore you will too), or maybe they question why you would want to do such a thing - thus judging your life’s choices and aspirations through their tiny little lenses of minuscule experiences.
Fuck them and their bullshit.
You do not need their opinions and feedback.
It’s time to stop living a story of needing permission.
Breaking these stories can be challenging. They are core-beliefs that have shaped our lives for decades.
When we discover that they are not serving our happiness or helping us to live the dreamlife that’s calling us, we have a struggle between our old-self and our ideal-self to reconcile.
In our conscious mind, we rationalize who we think we should be. Typically, this leads to living a life of asking for permission while living within the labels of others.
Our subconscious mind is where we hold the beliefs about ourselves, both limiting and abundant.
Through hypnotherapy, I have helped hundreds of clients to reconcile their beliefs, to reprogram their subconscious mind to be in alignment with the expression of their authentic self, free from the need for permission from others.
Re-writing these beliefs is not necessarily hard work. It is work – sometimes deep, introspective, emotional release; other times it can be as easy as turning the page in a book and entering a new chapter in life. It all depends on the client and their connection to the old story.
If you are feeling that you need permission to be happy, to be your true expression of your self, then I ask you to take some time to consider who you are and who you want to be.
Get clear on what is causing you distress in life in the current moment, and what life will be like when you allow yourself to be happy.
Give yourself permission to imaging being the real you.
No matter where you are in the world, I am here to help you realize the story of your true self.
Contact me here and let’s create your new story.
You have my permission to take the first step.
