"Get busy living, or get busy dying."

               Stephen King, The Shawshank Redemption

I coach dead people.

No, not physically dead people. They hold the silence better than I do.

I coach emotionally, mentally, and spiritually dead people.

They’re still living, but they gave up on life at some point in the past.

At that moment, they chose to believe a learned lie that they were less than, undeserving, and nothing would ever get better.

The gave up on their dreams of being great, and instead settled for a life of quiet desperation.

To be coachable, they have to be aware of the light inside of them, maybe it’s their soul calling, maybe it’s their sunny side…their light never went completely out, and they still sense its presence.

Why It’s Easy to Give Up

As Mo Gawdat notes in his wonderful book, Solve for Happy, in our youth, we are connected to joy and see possibilities.

We’re born in a default state of happiness, he says.

As life goes on, we learn to be miserable.

As we experience more unfortunate events, we start seeing just the negatives, internalize the belief that life is struggle, and our light begins to dim.

This idea closely reflects Martin Seligman’s work in learned helplessness, as explored in his book, Learned Optimism.

The key word in Seligman’s work is ‘learned.’ Notice how it is also at the heart of Gawdat’s work.

Anything you have learned can be unlearned, and replaced with a new idea that supports your happiness and highest good.

When you stop listening to the thoughts that tell you that you are less-than, you can begin hearing the deeper calling of your desires, your success.

In the silence of your limitations, you can hear your greatness.

Creating Silence

It’s funny to me as I listen to those who stopped living…they are far from silent.

In fact, they’re noisy.

I hear their stories of stress, frustration, and pain. Under them all, I also hear the light and hope that was strong enough to lead them to look to live again.

Greatness can shine through the dirtiest of lenses.

The whisper of your soul can be heard in the noisiest of moments.

To remember who you are, you just need to create a space for silence.

Give yourself the gift of at least 5 minutes of self-focus.

Remove all the stimuli and distractions that create comparisons that make you feel like crap. Silence your phone, turn off the TV and computer, maybe put on some noise cancelling headphones, and allow yourself to become silent.

You’ll probably hear thoughts telling you that you’re wasting your time, this is stupid, you have work to do, you’re being lazy, do this later…blah, blah, blah.

Hear them and let them pass.

Breathe. Consciously choose to breathe deeply and slowly.

Listen for the whisper of your strength.

Look for the light of your hope.

Both will be behind the accumulated dirt of life experiences…notice that it is not 6 feet of dirt.

You are still alive.

Rise.

Live.