An open letter:

True confession; I am an “All Lives Matter” person, and I do not apologize for it.

Do not ask me to. You will not like my answer.

NOTE: If you are going to be pissed off with the sentences above, I invite you to read this whole letter before judging. I am not trying to change anyone’s mind. I am offering a perspective, my perspective (and one shared by others).

Considerate dialogue is invited.

Sadly, the phrase “All Lives Matter” has been co-opted by some followers of the Black Lives Matter (#BLM) movement to be perceived as a racist statement, because it seems to be too broad in their minds.

(Read that carefully – IN their minds, NOT for their minds. These are highly intelligent people, I appreciate their perspective, I just don’t entirely agree with it. And I do not have to.)

I am taking it back. I am taking back All Lives Matter.

I am declaring it here: All Lives Matter is the most profoundly inclusive, healing statement possible on Earth.

It is not a racist statement.

It is a holistic statement for humanity. ALL OF HUMANITY.

It does not prioritize one human over another. It includes all.

My mission is for everyone to be seen and have a voice. Equally.

We can disagree, we can agree to disagree, we can choose not to talk because we see the world so differently. Or we can hear. Your voice is still equal and needed.

To those who fight broad labels of color, yet brand other groups in the same way, you are doing the exact thing that you are asking not to be done to you.

Righteous indignation feels great, but the reflection of that mirror burns when we see the truth. Step back, reflect on how you are speaking to those you disagree with, and own it.

It can be a harsh mirror. I know. I’ve seen it in myself recently. 

I’ve struggled for the past week to find these words, to find my voice, as others have shouted me down for not standing for what they want me to stand for.

I’ve questioned my values deeply, and asked to understand what I am missing.

I’ve cried, I’ve donated, I’ve spoken up.

I’ve searched my soul for my answers and clarity.

And I found my truth. And I stand solidly within its light.

My Truth

I don’t consider you my black friend. You are my friend.

The cops I know are not my blue friends. They are my friends.

Others are not my red/yellow/olive/white, or even gay, friends…they are my friends.

There should be no color-based or sexual-orientation-based adjective before the word “friend,” just as there should be no such adjective before “man” or “woman.”

If you choose to see us divided because I will not worship your adjective, then that is your choice. I will not worship a false god.

If you need to slap a label on yourself to announce your individuality, go ahead. Just know that when you do, you are creating an experience of you as less than you are.

I will always see you as more than that. And you need to see it for yourself.

I don’t see your labels. I see your soul. And it’s beautiful.

If the purpose of Martin Luther King and the civil rights movement was to have a person be seen as a human being, not as an “insert color here” person, then you are doing yourself a disservice by drawing attention back to the color of your skin.

Maybe, and you may say this, I have the luxury of this opinion because of my “white privilege.”

Focus on my skin color as much as you want, I was not born into affluence. Maybe my path was easier than yours, I have no way of knowing --- neither of us do --- and I will tell you it was still a struggle. 

In this moment, it is “cool” to say I had an easier way, thanks Ms. Fonda…I respect you, but you don’t get to speak for my life experience.

I am not self-loathing, and I will not denounce my lack of melanin. And I will not allow you to try to make me feel that I should.

I am someone who has moved past seeing another human being’s value, or lack thereof, as based on their skin tone. 

We are a singular, HUMAN race. Not a collection of disparate races.

In the book, Killing Lions, a father and son discuss the process of growing into manhood, and the rituals which no longer exist to signify the shift from boy to man.

There is one particular passage where they discuss minimalism and the altruistic idea of giving all that you do not need.

The father brings an interesting perspective to what his son shares about the idealistic youth around him who want to save the world. 

He is essentially saying that affluence is not evil. And I agree with him.

It’s easy to see those who “have” as having taken something that could be ours. That resources are a zero-sum game. That comes from a mentality of lack, not one of abundance and love.

This is the point that John Eldredge makes to his son:

I disagree with the minimalists who denounce affluence by saying, “If you have two shirts you have one too many,” because they are focusing on the wrong thing.

To be able to give the second shirt, I must first be able to access the resources and live to a level where I have a spare shirt to give.

This same idea can be applied to our current world and the currency of color.

If I do have this thing called “white privilege,” (AKA the cultural affluence of being born with white skin) then I choose to use it in how I live my life every day sharing it by seeing you as an equal, not as your skin color.

I would much rather live my life every day seeing you as my friend and treating you as an equal, than standing behind a cause that reduces your value in my eyes.

It saddens me to say that racism will most likely always exist. It is a grand vision to see a world without it, certainly a goal to strive toward.

Notice the root of that word is “race.” The word is not Blackism, Asianism, Hispanicism…because each race can have shitty attitudes toward others. 

And, more idiotically, shitty attitudes toward others within their groups who don’t have dark enough skin, or maybe it’s too dark, or maybe they just happened to be born in the wrong country. 

Or, maybe they’ll just make up a new reason to hate someone next week.

It’s bigger than just black and white…the entirety of the human race has some baggage to check here.

As I have shared business posts over the past few days and weeks, take note that I did not mention the color of the skin of the business owners.

That was intentional for many reasons:

First because that information was already in the original post, so it would have been redundant for me to point out.

More importantly, it felt inauthentic for me to add that information. I would have been calling attention to the color of that business-owner’s skin, and placing their value in that adjective.

Based on my beliefs as noted above, had I said, “Hey, look at this black business,” I would have been effectively saying, “Look at me. I am white and supporting a black business. I am on your side in this battle. I am one of the good guys.” 

I’m on your side every day, supporting your businesses without calling attention to myself. That’s called integrity.

It’s a value that is sorely lacking in our culture and our leadership right now.

There is a lot of anger in the world right now. Justifiable, and understandable anger.

In the words of Mr. Nancy, a personification of an African trickster god, in Neil Gamian’s American Gods, “Angry gets shit done.”

Watch the clip. It’s less than 5 minutes. (It’s NSFW, by the way.)

Yeah, anger got shit done.

And notice that the anger created by the trickster god, “Let it all burn. Let the M-Fer burn,” leads to the death and destruction of everyone on the ship.

Everyone…except Mr. Nancy; who walked ashore to America on the debris.

Anger consumes. Anger destroys when not harnessed appropriately.

Anger is the energy of destruction. It tears down, and it clears the way for new things to be built.

It has its time and place at all levels.

Once the ground has been cleared, it is time to move away from Anger and into Love.

Would you want to build a new home with the energy of Anger? What would that change?

Love builds and creates new. Love is inclusive and collective.

This is the space I choose to hold. This space is needed now too, whether we know it or not.

Without Love holding the space for the Anger to be expressed, full chaos would ensue.

When we take a knee, let’s do it together, side by side as equals, rather than looking for each other’s necks.

Let our voices be a chorus of love instead of a cacophony of hate.

My hope for you is that you will see past your skin tone and what others tell you about it, so that you may fully own your value for yourself, free of labels that others can use to lessen you.

Until you see yourself as equal, others will not either.

Society can tell you many things about your value, but it has no power unless you believe it for yourself.

Believe bigger.

I hope that you will see yourself as my friend with no adjective.

Know that no matter what you choose, I will still choose to love you for who you are