How I Learned to Let Go and Get Out of My Own Way

“I want it all, I want it all, I want it all, and I want it now” – Queen

If you are like me, you are impatient, particularly when it comes to achieving your goals and desires.
There are few things that frustrate me more than waiting for outcomes to occur.
You can probably relate. When we have a goal in mind, we WANT IT NOW!
In our age of digital-connectedness, this mentality is becoming increasingly common.
Allowing ourselves to fall victim to immediate gratification has been shown to lead to reduced success in life. The ability to delay gratification corresponds to high social scores and increased achievement.
This place of desire for immediate gratification comes from our mental ability to jump past the work that needs to be done and straight to the idea, “My life will be better when _________,” or, “I’ll be happy when ___________.”
If you’ve been reading this series from the start, you’re probably going to say, “But wait a minute. Isn’t that what I’m supposed to do? See my goal as already existing?”
And you’d be half-right.
You are correct that a key to realizing your goal is to imagine it, feel it as though it exists in the present moment; trust that it will occur and live your life as though it has (more on that in a moment).
Where you would be missing the point is in the nature of the outcome statements above.
Comments such as “I’ll be (insert positive emotional state here) when (insert outcome here)” are future-paced. They are not based in the present. In these declarations, the shift of your emotional state is based on an event that is external to you.
What are you really saying when you make these types of statements?
You’re saying, “I am not happy with my situation now.”
This is what you are projecting as your state of being.
You are saying, I resist the present situation.
Thus, through the laws of Dominant Effect and Attraction, you draw more of this unbalance to yourself.
This frustration and awareness of the present is critical for moving forward. It is our wake-up call to create change in our life.
Unfortunately, many people hold onto this feeling of frustration. That keeps them stuck.
When I hear people say, “It is what it is,” they’re normally using it as a way of giving up: “I don’t like it, but I can’t change it.” And again, the underlying frustration remains in the present.
If you find yourself saying this, realize that while you may not be able to change the external situation, you are completely capable of changing your attitude towards it.
You need to learn to let go and stop trying to control events and their outcomes.
I’m reminded of the Zen parable of the stone cutter.
It’s easy to become focused on our perceived weaknesses rather than our strengths.
When we clog our awareness with stories of unworthiness, lack and powerlessness, we project resistance to the present. We become unaware of our uniqueness and power.
Once we clear this resistance to what is, and begin to live in a state of gratitude and acceptance of what is, we can begin to change our circumstances.
Here’s a practical metaphor to illustrate the concept:
Let’s say you are running a five-mile race.
After just one mile, you are tired and say, “Oh, I wish that I could be done already. I just want to rest.”
This focuses your attention on being tired and you see the next four miles of running as a chore. Your body will probably feel more tired and achy; you’ll stop and walk more frequently and you’ll most likely finish the race, but you won’t deliver your best effort.
Instead, you could embrace the reality of your tiredness and the remaining distance to create a new outlook where you take action to change your pace so that you have enough energy to complete the race.
In this scenario, you accept your state
In this new reality, you allowed the existing circumstances and created a winning solution. You did not fuel resistance to the situation.
Here’s a recent practical example from my own life.
When I was selling my house, I felt hope with every notification of a new showing; then fell into a funk when the feedback rolled in. I just wanted to feel the weight of it off of my back – owning this house no longer served me, my present or my future, but there it was, draining over $1,000 per month out of my finances.
I prayed, I meditated, I visualized, I asked the Universe to send the perfect buyer…
And then I paid the mortgage for one… more… month.
Where was my manifestation of no longer being a homeowner? Why was I stuck with a house over 2,000 miles away?
What could I learn from this perceived blockage?
I learned a few things, one of them is patience.
I also learned that things are what they are, and I learned how to work with that reality instead of against it.
In my mind, I wanted a certain price. I was resistant to the reality of the market and the existing condition of a house that I had not lived in for two years.
When I stopped trying to control the details of the transaction, I allowed a new possibility for the sale to exist.
Within 3 weeks, the house sold and, while the total sale amount was not what I had originally had in mind, the net proceeds were in alignment with my desired outcome.
Look at that sentence again.
I had based my selling price on what I ultimately wanted to financially clear on the sale.
The house sold for less, but due to the details of the contract, I was left with the same earnings.
Acceptance of reality is not giving up, nor is it capitulation to that which is outside of your control.
It’s actually a way of preserving your energy and using it for what matters (what you DO have the power to change) rather than wasting it fruitlessly.
Earlier in this series, I discussed the idea of pure potentiality: The idea that in an infinite universe, all things are possible.
If everything is possible, ask yourself, what are you not allowing in your life?
How are you blocking yourself from achieving your goals?
HOMEWORK:
Make a list of the things that you sense are in your way. What’s preventing you from realizing your outcomes?
Examine that list and shift your thinking. Look for opportunities, ways to overcome these issues.
Ultimately, achievement is your choice.
What is today can be changed.
You have the power to change it, but first you must accept the role it is currently playing in your life.